I know we haven't been updating on the blog lately, but the journey to parenthood has never been far from our minds. Over the past few months, we have been trying to decide what path is the best for us and our future family.
A few months ago, Chris and I were driving home and out of nowhere I said, "What about using a sperm donor?" This was not something that we had ever discussed. That night, we talked a little bit about it and thought it might be a good option if IVF didn't work for us this summer.
I couldn't get the thought out of my head though. I felt so much more comfortable with using a donor than with adoption. If we went this route, we would still get to be pregnant, I would get to have a baby, to nurse a baby, to have all those first moments with a child. We could be much more in control of the in-utero experience and no one could change their minds at the last minute.
Chris and I started researching and set up an appointment to meet with our fertility doctor to discuss this option. We had many long conversations. Chris felt like the ultimate decision was more up to me because I have always talked about how I wanted our baby to look like him. I felt like the decision was more up to him because he would be giving up the dream of having his biological child.
We spoke with our doctor, and he encouraged us to consider sperm donation as a viable route. It is much more cost effective than IVF, which I will discuss later. He said he has no reason to think that we won't be pregnant in 1-3 times of doing insemination with a donor.
That night, we talked a lot and cried a lot. It is a heart-breaking decision to come to. Ultimately, however, we have decided this is the right path for us. We want to be parents to raise a child in this world, not to merely have a child that looks like us. We will be this child's parents. We will still look at this child and know that we made him or her.
Why did we come to this decision over IVF? First and foremost, it is the decision that we believe is the most financially responsible for our family. We did do an online fundraiser and are so grateful to everyone who donated. If you donated and would like us to return your money, since we won't be doing IVF, please contact us. We will return your donation with no hard feelings!
Donor insemination isn't cheap. Each vial costs $675 and each round of insemination costs around $150-200. There are also shipping and storage charges as well. While this isn't inexpensive, it pales in comparison to the $13,000 needed for a fresh and frozen cycle of IVF. Donor insemination also gives us a much better chance of being able to have another child in the future. Once we are pregnant, we will order a few extra vials to be used in the future for a genetic sibling.
The process is pretty easy. We used a very reputable sperm bank to choose a donor. We researched what kind of people are accepted and only 1% of applicants make it through the screening process. We were able to screen donors by physical appearance, medical history for them and their family members, as well as reading essays that they wrote. Once we have ordered vials, the bank will ship them directly to our doctor. When we are ready, I will do clomid (oral medication) and have an ultrasound to make sure my eggs are looking good :) As our doctor said, "I won't unfreeze expensive sperm if you're eggs aren't great". Then, I will give myself one shot the night before we are inseminated. We will go in, and just like previous insemination with Chris' sperm, a small amount of sperm will be injected into my uterus. In 2 weeks, we will know if we are pregnant. There is a small risk of multiples, but only 2-3% higher than natural conception.
We have decided to wait until May to move forward with this process. We have been doing Weight Watchers since mid-January and want to lose some weight before we get pregnant. We are walking the Flying Pig Half Marathon on May 6th and will be inseminated later that month. It will also be good timing with school--if we do get pregnant, I won't have to be in school during the first early months of sickness and fatigue!
When we made this decision, there were 2 other immediate decisions we had to make. First, would we tell our child about this? We quickly decided that we will absolutely tell our child about this process. We don't think this will be appropriate until they are older, but we think it's important for them to know. Second, would we tell our friends? It was a no-brainer that we would tell our parents. We are so grateful that they all are supporting us in this decision and have been nothing but understanding. When it came to our friends, however, we knew it was it our business to keep quiet if we wanted to. The reason we are sharing with you is because we do not feel ashamed about our decision and don't want it to seem as if we are keeping a secret. We have let everyone into this process for our whole journey, and it would feel strange not to be open and honest about this too. We hope that other couples who might be experiencing infertility can find strength in our story and know that you are not alone.
If you have questions about the process, feel free to talk to us. We are open about this process and willing to share. Thanks for your understanding and support - it means so much to know that so many of you are praying for us.
