"You're crying and I'm eating cheese coneys..."

Wondering what that title means? Well then, read on friends!

First of all, I guess I should start by saying, WE ARE PREGNANT! Yup, you read that right! Yes we were supposed to find out on the 6th and no, that wasn't a trick date. Here's how it all went down...

Yesterday (Tuesday) my friend convinced me I should take a pregnancy test after school. I drove to Walgreens and picked up a pack. Chris was going to meet his dad at the driving range, so no one was home. On my way I called Chris and my  mom to chit chat and told them I was buying a test. When I got home, I peed on the test and did my usual waiting. Except this time, things were different. Right away, 2 lines appeared. 2 lines. The 2 lines I have been waiting to see FOREVER! I freaked out. I called my friend and was literally screaming. She calmed me down and told me to go find Chris.

I called Chris and my mom and somehow was able to lie and tell them both the test was negative... I really wanted to tell them in person. Chris was heading to Skyline to grab a bite to eat before meeting his dad. I met him there. When he pulled in I was waiting outside, chewing my lip. He said he knew something was up and just mouthed the word "pregnant?" I started smiling and he literally smiled the biggest smile I've ever seen on his face! We hugged and I cried and then we went in so he could eat.

We were sitting there and I started crying again. He said, "I feel bad that you're crying and I'm eating cheese coneys!" Hence, the title. I took another test in Skyline bathroom that was positive again. I proceeded to tell the manager that I just found out I was pregnant in his bathroom. Hilarious.

I was literally shaking so hard I couldn't drive, so Chris drove us down to the range to meet his dad. We told him, and he was extremely excited. We followed him home, stopping at CVS to buy more tests. We told his mom and I peed on a stick again! Positive again! After a few minutes, I finally asked if we could go tell my mom.

We drove to her house and I ran through the front door, scaring Rick half to death. She just looked at me and then started crying. I said, "I lied, I lied!" She hugged me, Chris and Rick. It was truly awesome. I was very nervous though because it was so much earlier than the blood test. However, when you consider the embryos were put in at 5 days old, they are technically now 13 days old, which is old enough to show up on a test. I felt much better this morning when I peed on a stick for a 4th time and talked to my doctor. They told me if it was positive it was positive, and I am pregnant!

I now have a blood test on Friday and another on Tuesday to make sure my hormone levels are progressing as they should. We will find out in about 4 weeks how many baby Kays there are!

We truly cannot thank everyone enough for their prayers. It felt so good this morning to talk to God and thank Him for this gift. We need the prayers to keep coming though, we certainly aren't in the "safe zone" just yet.

Tentative due date: May 11, 2012.

LOVE YOU ALL!

Shake and Bake

Strange title, huh? Well it will all become clear!

We had our transfer this morning and it went wonderful! I think both of us didn't expect to feel as hopeful and positive as we do. It was kind of a scary morning because the doctors office was supposed to call and let us know how the embryos survived thawing, but they never did. I finally called and the nurse said she had been trying to reach the lab all morning, but if we hadn't received a call, everything was probably ok. I was still very nervous because we didn't know for sure if one or both of them had survived. 

We got there and changed into our scrubs: 

They took us back and we hung out in the room for awhile. Chris said he wanted to call these babies Shake and Bake. You may recall the last ones were Pebbles and Bam Bam. I said that was ridiculous, but ended up changing my mind. You'll see why in a minute. 

The doctor came it and it was Dr. Awadalla... he is our primary doctor but when you have procedures like inseminations and transfers, you have to take whoever is on call. We have not had Awadalla for anything yet, so Chris is convinced that with his touch, everything will work! Awadalla finally told us that we had 2 embryos and showed us a picture: 

The embryo on the left is already hatching. He said that is an excellent sign. The one on the right is doing very well also. The nurse was literally so excited she kept telling us how amazing the embryos looked. Awadalla completed the transfer with no problems. I had to lay there for a while afterwards and Chris convinced me of Shake and Bake because he said the left one is shaking and the right one is still baking. I'm probably a terrible mother for allowing this, but I went with it :)   The nurse came back in and said she had been bragging about how good our embryos were to the rest of the office. She said the one on the left will implant in the next 24 hours! That's pretty crazy! Everyone genuinely seemed extremely pleased with their condition so we feel very good about that. 

We spent the rest of the day relaxing. Thank you for all your prayers. Keep them coming!! The blood test is Tuesday the 6th at 8:30 am.... Love you all. 

Petri Dish for Shake and Bake: 

Big Day Tomorrow

Hi all,

I know it's been awhile since I've updated but I've been busy busy busy with back to school season and haven't really had much to say.

Chris and I have been doing OK... we've done a lot of talking and a lot of thinking over the past couple weeks. I don't want to say we are more pessimistic this time, maybe just more realistic. We really really believed that the in vitro was going to work. This time we have discussed what would happen if it didn't work.

As of right now, if this round doesn't work we will be the fun Aunt Maggie and Uncle Chris for awhile. We honestly don't have any more money to put into this process right now and we don't want to make a big mistake in spending/borrowing money we don't have. That doesn't mean we are giving up. It means we are going to keep trying naturally (hey, it's a possibility just not a probability) and see where the future takes us.

We have, however, decided that even if we never have kids, we will be OK. We truly never thought we would find someone to share our lives with like we have. We believe that we can still have an amazing, beautiful, fun, fulfilling life if children aren't in our plan.

Again, that doesn't mean we are giving up. But I think if I couldn't come to terms with what would happen if I can't have children, I would die.

SOOOOO all that said, what the heck is happening tomorrow??!!

Tomorrow is our embryo transfer. This time we are using our 2 frozen embryos. Tomorrow morning they will be dethawed and the doctor's office will call to let us know if none, one or both made it through the dethawing process. Then, later in the morning, we will head to the doctor's office for the actual transfer. The pregnancy test will be the 6th, and yes, that is the real date. I don't think we could try that trick twice!

Thank you so much for all the prayers. This has definitely tested our faith but we are working through it and hope that God gives us strength for whatever comes our way. We love you all-

Moving Forward

As many of you already know, Chris and I got the news yesterday that we are not pregnant. We had told everyone that our blood test would be today Aug 6, but really it was scheduled for yesterday morning. We lied because we wanted to still be able to surprise everyone with what we hoped would be good news. Unfortunately that wasn't the case.

Monday I started spotting but the doctor said that could be a good sign. As the week continued I continued to bleed and by Thursday it was pretty heavy. I was pretty confident that we weren't pregnant, but obviously held out some hope in my heart that I was wrong.

When we went for the blood test I explained to the nurse that I had been bleeding so she went ahead and wrote me the prescriptions I would need if we decided to do a frozen cycle with our 2 frozen embryos right away. Earlier in the week Chris and I had talked about what we would do if we weren't pregnant. We thought waiting for a while would be a good idea. However, after leaving the doctor's office in tears, we talked about it again. Chris said he wanted to go for it right now as long as there was no reason not to. He asked if I was emotionally ready to handle it again and I said I was. When we got the news for sure, we decided to go ahead and start a frozen cycle right away.

What does that mean? Well, I am on a new medication--a pill--3 times a day. I started it today. This pill will build up the lining of my  uterus and stop me from ovulating this month. On Aug 15 (happy birthday to me) I will have an ultrasound to check on how my uterus is developing and to check hormone levels in my blood. Aug 23 will be our transfer. There is a small possibility that 1 or both of the embryos will not survive the thawing process. However, since our embryos were frozen as blastocysts or 100 celled embryos instead of 7 celled embryos, they are very strong and should survive just fine. We won't know for sure until the morning of the transfer.

Our next blood test is Sept 6. No tricks this time, I don't think we can keep a secret twice! That is the Tuesday after labor day and I am already taking Friday off work to go to Chicago for my sister's wedding. Instead of taking that Tuesday off to sit around and wait for results all day, I'll go give the blood in the morning, and ask them not to call us until after 3pm. Chris will leave work a little early and we will meet at home to get the results together.

I can't really explain what I'm feeling now. Yesterday I told my mom that I felt like I had a miscarriage. I don't mean to be disrespectful to anyone who has experienced that, but that's how I felt because the embryos were real this time. It wasn't just pretending that there could be embryos in there. They were there. I told Chris that I already loved them so much and to lose them is the worst feeling I have ever felt. I feel like my body has betrayed me. I was supposed to be okay... I was supposed to make this process work. I failed. I feel like I have let Chris down and everyone who has been supporting us. One some level I know that is crazy, but it's truly how I feel. I am unbelievably scared about moving forward because this is truly our last chance. If this doesn't work, I honestly don't know where we will go from here. I truly believed we were going to be pregnant and it's scary to find that belief again.

Today I am happy that we decided to move forward with a frozen cycle. The IVF nurse I spoke with yesterday said a lot of people have success with moving directly into a frozen cycle. She said sometimes your body just needs a couple chances to understand what to do. I hope my body gets the memo this time. I think if we had waited we would just spend every second thinking about it. Now we will know for sure in a month and will have lots to keep us busy in the meantime.

We thought about not telling people that we were doing a frozen cycle right away. However, all your love and support has been so amazing through this process, we knew we couldn't do it without you! We know that there is a plan for our family--at least I hope there is--we just can't see it now. We love you all.