GiveForward

Since our negative blood results, Chris and I have been researching funding options for a final round of IVF.

Before our frozen round, we both felt that we could live happy lives even if we never have a baby. While I still know this to be true, I am not ready to give up. I want to feel the way I felt for the week when we were pregnant. I want that feeling again so badly, and I am not ready to say goodbye to it forever. 

That said, we cannot afford to try invitro one more time. Although our doctor has given us a $1000 grant, we are still far away from the $10,000 needed. 

So I have researched grants, scholarships, clinical trials etc. And while we have applied for a few grants, I also found a website called GiveForward. This site allows you to create a fundraising page and gives others the opportunity to donate. I have really checked it out and it is legit. You can donate using a credit or debit card and it can be anonymous. Although it feels weird, we have decided to create a page for people to use. 

We in no way want people to feel obligated, we just want to open the doors for those who might be interested. 

More than money, please keep prayers coming. We need them now more than ever. Love you all. 

Click here for our fundraising page

Next Steps

I thought I'd fill everyone in on what has happened since Tuesday.

Chris and I, as well as many of you, are still kind of stunned I think. We are trying to process what has happened, but it's difficult. I did go to the doctor for a repeat blood test and my levels are dropping significantly, which is good because it means I won't need a DNC or anything like that.

I had a long talk with my doctor and he said although it might seem like a bad thing that I lost the pregnancy, scientifically, it is a very good sign that I was pregnant at all. He said that is very positive for future attempts. One thing I thought was interesting was that he said when you use medical intervention to go from infertile to fertile, you experience the entire range of fertility, which includes women losing pregnancies very early on. That happens to many fertile women. He said there is always a possibility, however small, that we can get pregnant on our own so we won't stop trying naturally. He said we can try insemination a few more times if we want, but with Chris' numbers, it is difficult for him to say if it increases our chances 10% or 2% or anywhere inbetween. He did say that he thinks IVF is the right road for us, and he understands the financial burden of that commitment. He said he often feels guilty that he can't help out his patients more, but he did give us a $1,000 grant that is good for one year.

In light of all this news, Chris and I are trying to come up with a plan. I am someone who needs to know where we are heading. So we have decided to do some research on funding options for the next few months, but we are committed to finding a way to do one more cycle of IVF within the next year. We are not ready to give up on the process or on having a biological child.

I will continue to update the blog periodically as we move forward down whatever path we take. I cannot thank everyone enough for their kind words, prayers and support. While it has been difficult to tell people that we lost the pregnancy, we honestly can't imagine going through this without all of you. Thank you.

Unexpected News

Hello all,

So today I went for a repeat blood test to make sure my levels were rising as they should, and unfortunately, they weren't. In fact, my hormone levels went from 89 to 52 which basically means I have lost the pregnancy. The dr said basically the egg started to implant, which gave the positive result, but for whatever reason, ended up not fully implanting, giving the now negative result.

They will continue to monitor my levels until they are at 0. I have another test Friday. I have lots of questions for the doctor, like should we try insemination a few more times since it is a relatively low cost procedure? If we were somehow able to get the money together again for IVF does he think it would work? Would he do anything differently? Does he now think there is something wrong with me?

I cannot describe exactly how Chris and I are feeling. To be honest, I've had some pretty negative thoughts. I'm honestly not sure how to go on. Before we were pregnant, Chris and I felt like we were okay if it didn't happen and we would make it. But to have it given to us, and then taken away is almost more than I can bear.

Almost. Tomorrow I know I will wake up and somehow make it school, Chris will make it to work. We will go on. What the future holds, I'm not sure. My aunt Mary Kay read a quote to me tonight that I'm trying to hold onto "Live without regret. When something good happens, it's wonderful. When something bad happens, its experience." Chris and I can't see the big picture right now. We can't see how this horrible situation fits in with any good path, but maybe it will. I hope that someday we can look back at this and say, "Oh, so that's why it happened like that!"

Thank you for all your love and support. We are not sure what the next step on our journey is, but if this process has taught us anything it is that we love each other unconditionally and we have the best family and friends in the world. Thanks for being there.

"You're crying and I'm eating cheese coneys..."

Wondering what that title means? Well then, read on friends!

First of all, I guess I should start by saying, WE ARE PREGNANT! Yup, you read that right! Yes we were supposed to find out on the 6th and no, that wasn't a trick date. Here's how it all went down...

Yesterday (Tuesday) my friend convinced me I should take a pregnancy test after school. I drove to Walgreens and picked up a pack. Chris was going to meet his dad at the driving range, so no one was home. On my way I called Chris and my  mom to chit chat and told them I was buying a test. When I got home, I peed on the test and did my usual waiting. Except this time, things were different. Right away, 2 lines appeared. 2 lines. The 2 lines I have been waiting to see FOREVER! I freaked out. I called my friend and was literally screaming. She calmed me down and told me to go find Chris.

I called Chris and my mom and somehow was able to lie and tell them both the test was negative... I really wanted to tell them in person. Chris was heading to Skyline to grab a bite to eat before meeting his dad. I met him there. When he pulled in I was waiting outside, chewing my lip. He said he knew something was up and just mouthed the word "pregnant?" I started smiling and he literally smiled the biggest smile I've ever seen on his face! We hugged and I cried and then we went in so he could eat.

We were sitting there and I started crying again. He said, "I feel bad that you're crying and I'm eating cheese coneys!" Hence, the title. I took another test in Skyline bathroom that was positive again. I proceeded to tell the manager that I just found out I was pregnant in his bathroom. Hilarious.

I was literally shaking so hard I couldn't drive, so Chris drove us down to the range to meet his dad. We told him, and he was extremely excited. We followed him home, stopping at CVS to buy more tests. We told his mom and I peed on a stick again! Positive again! After a few minutes, I finally asked if we could go tell my mom.

We drove to her house and I ran through the front door, scaring Rick half to death. She just looked at me and then started crying. I said, "I lied, I lied!" She hugged me, Chris and Rick. It was truly awesome. I was very nervous though because it was so much earlier than the blood test. However, when you consider the embryos were put in at 5 days old, they are technically now 13 days old, which is old enough to show up on a test. I felt much better this morning when I peed on a stick for a 4th time and talked to my doctor. They told me if it was positive it was positive, and I am pregnant!

I now have a blood test on Friday and another on Tuesday to make sure my hormone levels are progressing as they should. We will find out in about 4 weeks how many baby Kays there are!

We truly cannot thank everyone enough for their prayers. It felt so good this morning to talk to God and thank Him for this gift. We need the prayers to keep coming though, we certainly aren't in the "safe zone" just yet.

Tentative due date: May 11, 2012.

LOVE YOU ALL!

Shake and Bake

Strange title, huh? Well it will all become clear!

We had our transfer this morning and it went wonderful! I think both of us didn't expect to feel as hopeful and positive as we do. It was kind of a scary morning because the doctors office was supposed to call and let us know how the embryos survived thawing, but they never did. I finally called and the nurse said she had been trying to reach the lab all morning, but if we hadn't received a call, everything was probably ok. I was still very nervous because we didn't know for sure if one or both of them had survived. 

We got there and changed into our scrubs: 

They took us back and we hung out in the room for awhile. Chris said he wanted to call these babies Shake and Bake. You may recall the last ones were Pebbles and Bam Bam. I said that was ridiculous, but ended up changing my mind. You'll see why in a minute. 

The doctor came it and it was Dr. Awadalla... he is our primary doctor but when you have procedures like inseminations and transfers, you have to take whoever is on call. We have not had Awadalla for anything yet, so Chris is convinced that with his touch, everything will work! Awadalla finally told us that we had 2 embryos and showed us a picture: 

The embryo on the left is already hatching. He said that is an excellent sign. The one on the right is doing very well also. The nurse was literally so excited she kept telling us how amazing the embryos looked. Awadalla completed the transfer with no problems. I had to lay there for a while afterwards and Chris convinced me of Shake and Bake because he said the left one is shaking and the right one is still baking. I'm probably a terrible mother for allowing this, but I went with it :)   The nurse came back in and said she had been bragging about how good our embryos were to the rest of the office. She said the one on the left will implant in the next 24 hours! That's pretty crazy! Everyone genuinely seemed extremely pleased with their condition so we feel very good about that. 

We spent the rest of the day relaxing. Thank you for all your prayers. Keep them coming!! The blood test is Tuesday the 6th at 8:30 am.... Love you all. 

Petri Dish for Shake and Bake: 

Big Day Tomorrow

Hi all,

I know it's been awhile since I've updated but I've been busy busy busy with back to school season and haven't really had much to say.

Chris and I have been doing OK... we've done a lot of talking and a lot of thinking over the past couple weeks. I don't want to say we are more pessimistic this time, maybe just more realistic. We really really believed that the in vitro was going to work. This time we have discussed what would happen if it didn't work.

As of right now, if this round doesn't work we will be the fun Aunt Maggie and Uncle Chris for awhile. We honestly don't have any more money to put into this process right now and we don't want to make a big mistake in spending/borrowing money we don't have. That doesn't mean we are giving up. It means we are going to keep trying naturally (hey, it's a possibility just not a probability) and see where the future takes us.

We have, however, decided that even if we never have kids, we will be OK. We truly never thought we would find someone to share our lives with like we have. We believe that we can still have an amazing, beautiful, fun, fulfilling life if children aren't in our plan.

Again, that doesn't mean we are giving up. But I think if I couldn't come to terms with what would happen if I can't have children, I would die.

SOOOOO all that said, what the heck is happening tomorrow??!!

Tomorrow is our embryo transfer. This time we are using our 2 frozen embryos. Tomorrow morning they will be dethawed and the doctor's office will call to let us know if none, one or both made it through the dethawing process. Then, later in the morning, we will head to the doctor's office for the actual transfer. The pregnancy test will be the 6th, and yes, that is the real date. I don't think we could try that trick twice!

Thank you so much for all the prayers. This has definitely tested our faith but we are working through it and hope that God gives us strength for whatever comes our way. We love you all-

Moving Forward

As many of you already know, Chris and I got the news yesterday that we are not pregnant. We had told everyone that our blood test would be today Aug 6, but really it was scheduled for yesterday morning. We lied because we wanted to still be able to surprise everyone with what we hoped would be good news. Unfortunately that wasn't the case.

Monday I started spotting but the doctor said that could be a good sign. As the week continued I continued to bleed and by Thursday it was pretty heavy. I was pretty confident that we weren't pregnant, but obviously held out some hope in my heart that I was wrong.

When we went for the blood test I explained to the nurse that I had been bleeding so she went ahead and wrote me the prescriptions I would need if we decided to do a frozen cycle with our 2 frozen embryos right away. Earlier in the week Chris and I had talked about what we would do if we weren't pregnant. We thought waiting for a while would be a good idea. However, after leaving the doctor's office in tears, we talked about it again. Chris said he wanted to go for it right now as long as there was no reason not to. He asked if I was emotionally ready to handle it again and I said I was. When we got the news for sure, we decided to go ahead and start a frozen cycle right away.

What does that mean? Well, I am on a new medication--a pill--3 times a day. I started it today. This pill will build up the lining of my  uterus and stop me from ovulating this month. On Aug 15 (happy birthday to me) I will have an ultrasound to check on how my uterus is developing and to check hormone levels in my blood. Aug 23 will be our transfer. There is a small possibility that 1 or both of the embryos will not survive the thawing process. However, since our embryos were frozen as blastocysts or 100 celled embryos instead of 7 celled embryos, they are very strong and should survive just fine. We won't know for sure until the morning of the transfer.

Our next blood test is Sept 6. No tricks this time, I don't think we can keep a secret twice! That is the Tuesday after labor day and I am already taking Friday off work to go to Chicago for my sister's wedding. Instead of taking that Tuesday off to sit around and wait for results all day, I'll go give the blood in the morning, and ask them not to call us until after 3pm. Chris will leave work a little early and we will meet at home to get the results together.

I can't really explain what I'm feeling now. Yesterday I told my mom that I felt like I had a miscarriage. I don't mean to be disrespectful to anyone who has experienced that, but that's how I felt because the embryos were real this time. It wasn't just pretending that there could be embryos in there. They were there. I told Chris that I already loved them so much and to lose them is the worst feeling I have ever felt. I feel like my body has betrayed me. I was supposed to be okay... I was supposed to make this process work. I failed. I feel like I have let Chris down and everyone who has been supporting us. One some level I know that is crazy, but it's truly how I feel. I am unbelievably scared about moving forward because this is truly our last chance. If this doesn't work, I honestly don't know where we will go from here. I truly believed we were going to be pregnant and it's scary to find that belief again.

Today I am happy that we decided to move forward with a frozen cycle. The IVF nurse I spoke with yesterday said a lot of people have success with moving directly into a frozen cycle. She said sometimes your body just needs a couple chances to understand what to do. I hope my body gets the memo this time. I think if we had waited we would just spend every second thinking about it. Now we will know for sure in a month and will have lots to keep us busy in the meantime.

We thought about not telling people that we were doing a frozen cycle right away. However, all your love and support has been so amazing through this process, we knew we couldn't do it without you! We know that there is a plan for our family--at least I hope there is--we just can't see it now. We love you all.

2 Embryos Frozen

The doctor called this morning to let us know that we have 2 more embryos that made it to the blastocyst stage and have been frozen. That is excellent news and gives us a shot at a future child if this pregnancy results in one baby! Very happy news...

I was driving today and thinking about what a crazy experience IVF is... it truly is unlike anything I have ever been through in my life. I was thinking about what I have learned and what advice I would give someone just starting the process. Obviously this is just based on my situation, but I thought it would be interesting to share, so I picked 3 key things:

1) Be organized! I literally have an IVF binder that has tabs separated into different sections: medications, receipts, financing/expenses, test results and misc. The binder goes to every doctor's appointment with me and has helped me stay on track and keep all the necessary paperwork in order! I always can find any paper I need and when you are going through IVF, anything that can keep stress to a minimum is awesome.

2) Find a doctor you absolutely trust. If are beginning the IVF process, hopefully you already feel very comfortable with your doctor, but if you don't, think about changing. Chris and I both love our doctor and the whole office, which I think is so important. Because IVF is unlike anything else you've been through, you really have to place a lot of trust in the staff at your doctor's office. I have never once questioned whether the staff (doctor included) cared about me or had our best interests at heart.

3) Share your story. This will be different for everyone. For me, it meant writing this blog and letting everyone we know into our journey. That was our choice. That might not be for everyone, but even if it isn't, find one or two people besides your partner you can share your journey with. Obviously communicating with your partner during this time is essential, but sometimes you just need an outsider's view or support. Finding that is really important.

Okay, I'll step off my soapbox now. Just a few thoughts! Thanks to everyone who is pulling for us!

Transfer Complete!

Our transfer this morning went great! The doctor said our embryos looked awesome and called it a "perfect transfer". I'll take perfection any day. The procedure itself was uncomfortable for me, but not too painful. We literally watched the embryos head into my uterus on the ultrasound screen. It was a pretty emotional moment for us. Not many people actually get to see the moment their embryos  enter the body so I guess I will count us lucky. I couldn't be more thankful that this process has gone so well! We will get a call Wednesday or Thursday letting us know how many embryos were frozen but it looks like we will have 3-4, which is good.

Hilarious story: as we are waiting for the nurse to take us back, Chris asked me if they have been playing classical music for the embryos during these "formative" days. He said, "they better not be playing any Lady Gaga, I don't want our kid to come out weird". Such a thoughtful dad already. ;-)

Below are some pics chronicling our trip today!

This first pic is of Chris' stylish outfit. The shirt was an extra-medium but the pants were HUGE! 

Here we are! So excited!!!

Isn't he adorable?

The gun show! 

Our embryos, the best and brightest! ;-) 

The petri dish where our embryos have been hanging out the past few days. Yes, we got to keep it. 

I've never been so willing to get up early on Sunday!

This morning I got a call from the doctor that our transfer was going to be cancelled for today and postponed until Sunday. While I am anxious to get it over with, this is actually great news. As the doctor said, it really is ideal to wait until the embryos are in the blastocyst stage because they have a much better chance of implantation and pregnancy rates are much higher with frozen embryos at this stage than earlier.

So this is really encouraging news. I'm not sure how many embryos we still have, I just know that my doctor wouldn't have us wait unless it was the right thing to do! On Sunday we will put 2 embryos in and then freeze the remaining embryos. We will know exactly how many we have frozen on Sunday.

It really seems that everything that could go awesomely, has. This is super exciting for me, and of course makes Chris even more worried. Opposites attract you know!

Sunday morning Chris and I will head to the doctor's office. We cannot wear anything with fragrance including lotion, cologne, perfume, aftershave, hairspray etc. So we will be au naturale and the embryos will be put into my uterus using a catheter similar to the one used in IUI. We will be in a clean room for the procedure. After the embryos are injected, fluid will be run through the catheter and that fluid will be examined under a microscope to make sure both embryos left the tube and are in my uterus.

And then... we wait! For two long weeks! I truly thought I would feel a lot more anxious about that wait than I currently do. I think that after waiting for a year to even get pregnant, and starting IVF back in early June, two weeks really doesn't seem like that much time. I'm looking forward to August 6th when we will get the most exciting news of our lives!

The following is a picture of an embryo at the blastocyst stage:

Nontuplets!!!

Amazing news today! As you know, yesterday 10 eggs were retrieved from my ovaries. Typically, half of the eggs fertilize putting us in the 4-5 range. Today my doctor called to say that 9 eggs fertilized! It's truly amazing and we feel very blessed. 

The next step is transfer. Because we have quite a few fertilized eggs, there's a chance my doctor will wait until Sunday to transfer. The longer you wait, the better chance for implantation but there is also a chance of losing embryos along the way, which is why you have to have a lot in order to wait. I have a tentative appointment on Friday at 10:30 for transfer and the doc will call by 8:30 am to let me know whether I come in or wait till Sunday! 

The prayers are working, keep them coming!! 

Great News!

Hello all! Today was a very big day and I apologize its taken me so long to get the update ready. This morning Chris and I went for our egg retrieval. On Sunday night I gave myself two shots to get our eggs ready to release. The timing of the shot had to be perfect, 15 minutes early or late and the entire procedure would have to be changed. Nuts! Monday was a day off from any meds, a welcome break!

Today started with a valium before we left the house before 7am. When we got to the doctor's office they gave me a lovely new outfit and IV (see pics). I got some more pain meds through the IV and was relatively knocked out for the procedure which only took 15 minutes. The doctor used a needle to enter my uterus and suck the eggs out of my ovaries. It wasn't painful during the procedure but I had a lot of cramping after. They gave me a vicodin to ease the pain which kicked in on the ride home. I kept telling Chris how awesome I felt!

I fell asleep as soon as we got home and slept for much of the day. After the vicodin wore off I was able to take some tylenol to ease the cramping. While I finally feel pretty good at 10pm, the doctors say that I will continue to experience some pain and cramping for the next few weeks.

SOOOO the great news is that we retrieved 10 eggs! My doctor said that is his favorite number because it's not too many and it's not too few. Maybe he tells that to all the ladies but it certainly made me feel good. Tomorrow they will call and let us know how many eggs were successfully fertilized. He said it is usually half so 4-5 would be a reasonable expectation.

Embryos will most likely go back in on Friday although it's possible it won't be until Sunday. I am feeling really good today because this procedure was the scariest part of this whole process. It was definitely the most unknown and therefore the scariest for me. I'm so glad it's over! Really, at this point, everything is pretty much out of my hands. I don't have to worry about shots anymore, and even though I will be taking some meds for the next few weeks, the worst is over.

I feel completely confident that we are going to get great news on August 6th! Thanks for all the prayers, please keep them coming!

It's about to get real up in here!

Just got back from my doctor's appointment, First let me convey that I am incredibly tired due to the fact that I saw the AMAZING Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 last night at midnight. So if this post isn't quite as coherent as usual, it's due to sleep deprivation.

First of all, GREAT NEWS! My doctor said there are 8-12 really good eggs and even more smaller ones. That is awesome. Everyone at the office commented on how well my body is responding to the meds. So what does that all mean? Well first of all it apparently means lots more side effects. Any time now I should start feeling crampy and bloated and that should last a few weeks. Awesome. But I'll take it if it means that this process works!!!

I will continue with injections tonight and tomorrow, doing 2 each session. On Sunday I will take the Ovidrel shot that releases my eggs. It must be timed perfectly. More than 15 minutes late and I have to call and change the timing of the whole procedure. Nuts! Monday I get a day off and then Tuesday will be our retrieval day. I take a vicodin in the morning and then they will further sedate me when I get there. We will obviously know on Tuesday how many eggs were retrieved, but on Wednesday we will find out how many fertilized.

Based on the number and quality of eggs fertilized, transfer will most likely be Friday but possibly Sunday. Regardless of when eggs are transferred, we can take a blood test Saturday Aug. 6 to find out if we are pregnant!! After transfer, the insanity doesn't stop. I'll still be taking daily meds (I won't go into details... just know that it's not pretty)... but it will all be worth it when we see 2 pink lines!! Finally!

Keep the prayers coming!!!!!!!!!!

Moving Along

Good morning all! Just got back from the doctor with good news. He said my uterus is responding well to the medication and I have 7-8 follicles (or eggs) developing. I was hoping for a few more, but he said they looked great. He gave me the medication schedule for the next few days. I'll be doubling up and doing 2 different injections on Thursday and then I head back for another ultrasound on Friday.

The Friday ultrasound will give us a clear picture about when retrieval will be, but he said if everything goes as scheduled we will be retrieving eggs a week from today!!

I'm going out of town this weekend on a work trip with MK so I'll have to take a lot of injections with me, but I shouldn't have any problems.

So all in all, good news and the process continues!!

I've never been so excited to use needles Post 11

This  morning was my second ultrasound and we got good news! The doctor literally said that my uterus and ovaries looked perfect and he couldn't ask for anything more! Yay! So what does that mean? Well, I am off birth control now. Friday I will be able to start injections. I have the treatment plan for the first four days. Then next Tuesday I go back for another ultrasound. Based on how my eggs are developing they will give me a treatment plan for the next few days. If everything goes as planned, I should be doing egg retrieval the following Tuesday (the 19th). That means beginning of August we should know if we're pregnant!

I am so excited that we finally get to start the injections. While I am definitely not excited about sticking a needle in myself on a daily basis, I am excited that the show is finally getting on the road! With injections though, there could be some serious side effects. Some women experience OHSS (ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome). This means I could look pregnant, and feel really nauseous. It doesn't happen to all women, just some. It will definitely be an interesting experience to see how the medications affect my body. 

Feel free to comment and ask any questions you might have! I'll do my best to answer them!

The waiting game--Post 10

So today was the big day! I had my ultrasound appointment this morning to find out when we could proceed with stimulation meds. Unfortunately one of my ovaries still has a follicle (an egg) so we need to do birth control for another week. I have another appointment next Tuesday for an ultrasound and should be able to start meds then. My doctor is not concerned in the slightest, this is just one of those processes that is always up in the air and very unpredictable.

I was pretty disappointed after the appointment. Certainly not devastated by any means, just disappointed that I'm still a week away from really getting this going. I'm hoping the next week goes by quickly. Keep sending your good thoughts! We need them!

Meds are here Post 9

Meds from Europe just arrived! Everything I need is now here! (the mini biohazard container is my favorite!) The small vials are what the meds come in. This picture is of the sodium chloride vials that I will mix the medications with before injecting them.

Post 8

Just watching the View and it happens to be about infertility. (June is infertility awareness month). This episode is focusing on surrogacy, but the ladies are also talking about in-vitro.

Guiliana Rancic explained that her and her husband are having fertility problems and it's so difficult because they felt like they were winners--whatever they set their mind to, they accomplished. Getting pregnant is the ONE thing that you can't just go out and accomplish--no matter how hard you want it.

I have said the exact same thing over the past year. For anyone who knows me, they know that if I want something, I go out and get it. I don't like sitting around and waiting for something to happen. Getting pregnant has been the biggest trial in patience that I have ever gone through. Sometimes I say that God is trying to teach me an important life lesson in patience--and then I say, "Okay, God! I got it! I need to patient! Can I have a baby now, please?" And although part of that is a joke, I do think the universe...God...whomever, has a plan for us. I know that when Chris and I look into our child's eyes we won't be able to imagine any other journey to get to that perfect baby.

When I think about it though, Chris and I have been as proactive as possible in this process. Sometimes I feel guilty when I hear about other women who have tried to get pregnant for five years and are just now starting IVF. They've been trying so much longer than us! But if we don't do IVF now, we would eventually be trying for 5 years with probably no results. When Chris and I didn't get pregnant after 6 months, we went to the doctor. Some people thought that was a little early, but as my fertility doctor will tell you, if you aren't pregnant naturally after 6 months, there's a good chance you need some medical intervention. I was aggressive in getting Chris tested and making appointments as quickly as I could. Even with the IVF process we've been proactive. We did IUI (insemination) twice. Most couples who conceive with this process do so in 3-4 cycles. So we could have kept trying with IUI, However, if we continue to try IUI, we would be doing in-vitro during the school year. Since I have job that allows me to be off for a few months, we decided to just go for the in-vitro. Our doctor truly thinks this is our best chance for success and Chris' sperm count has not improved over the past months of IUI.

So watching these stories of surrogacy have been very interesting. It doesn't really apply to our situation since there is no evidence to suggest I won't be able to carry children, but I can't imagine what a difficult decision it would be to use a surrogate. So scary!

Waiting for Tuesday to get here so I can know what the next steps are!

Post 7

Okay, quick update. I received my first set of medications today in the mail. I am now just waiting for the meds from Europe. My ultrasound is next Tuesday and then I'll know when I'm going to start injections and a probable date for egg retrieval.

In other more important news, Chris' parents have offered to help us pay for the IVF. We couldn't feel more blessed or lucky to have their help. We know that you all have helped us in your own way--with love, support, and encouraging words. We cannot thank you enough.

I just talked to my brother on the phone. He made fun of me for writing this blog (told you I would call you out Boo!). I think it does help me deal with things because I have an outlet. Sometimes just knowing that I could write down my feelings helps me deal with things.

Getting the meds today was scary. It makes it so much more real. I am nervous about mixing the drugs and injecting and all that, but I would put my body through anything if it meant we had a baby in the end. My biggest fear is that we will go through all this and still not end up with a baby. I try not to think of that because I know our chances are so good, but its one of those dark thoughts that is always in the back of your mind no matter how positive you try to be.

Chris and I celebrated our one year anniversary this weekend with a staycation downtown. It was so fun and I think we really needed it. We only talked about the IVF situation once... we definitely needed a break from thinking about it. When we did talk about it, we just said how glad we both were that this has brought us closer together and not driven us apart. Although it seems like we're unlucky sometimes, we really are lucky in so many ways.

Where are we now? Post 6

I realized that I didn't exactly make it clear where we currently stand in the IVF process. As of today, Monday June 13th, we are in the very beginning. I have been on birth control since Saturday and Chris and I started our antibiotics today. I have an ultrasound on June 28th to determine when I will start my fertility meds.

I got a shipping confirmation this morning that the meds from Europe are on their way. They should arrive within 2 weeks.

I also was able to call about getting a loan for IVF. I was approved but the interest rate is 15.99%! Ugh! So our monthly payments will be pretty high if we borrow the full amount. We are still trying to figure out exactly what money should go where and exactly how much we will need to borrow.

So that's the update so far. We will keep you posted!

Counting our blessings Post 5

Counting our blessings. This is what Chris and I are trying to do lately. In the past 3 days we have found out we need to find $12,000 for an IVF cycle, our TV broke, our oven broke, we are looking at cars to replace Chris' and everything seems to be kind of falling apart. Tonight I tried to order my IVF meds online and they only take VISA. Chris' HSA is in a mastercard account so we had to charge the meds and hope we can get reimbursed through the HSA. Sounds small, but it just seems like things are piling up.

But we are counting our blessings. Or at least trying. At times, our mantra has been "This is NOT FAIR!" And it's not. It really isn't. But it is the way it is. There's nothing we could have done to prevent this, but now we have to deal with it. So.... a list of 10 blessings:

1) Each other. We truly are one another's best friends. We are better together than apart and we fill each other's lives with laughter and love. A huge blessing.
2) Our parents. Chris' parents and my mom and Rick have been so supportive it's unreal. They have been there for the tears of this past year and I know they will be right beside us throughout the whole process! 
3) Our friends. Our friends are constantly offering their support and encouragement. Thank you!
4) Our house. We live in a house we love so much and it is beautiful!
5) My job. I was hired for the first teaching job I interviewed for and work in an amazing district.
6) Chris' job. Chris just got a new job that came with a raise. So rare these days!
7) Our cats. Maverick, Charlie and Mr. Gray and very important parts of lives. We love them and they give us unconditional love in return.
8) Our cars. They both run!
9) Our health. We might not have the best reproductive health, but we are healthy people with no chronic illnesses!
10) We are both funny. ;-) A few laughs can go a long way in this stressful process! If we didn't laugh through this process, we probably wouldn't make it through!

Just the facts-- Post 4

Quick facts about our in-vitro cycle.

Cost: with meds, about $12,000.

Cost with frozen embryos if first attempt doesn't work: $3500.

Cost to keep embryos frozen for one year: $400

Success rate: fresh embryos--60%. My doctor says that due to my age I am an ideal candidate for IVF and he is very confident. Frozen embryos--40%. I told Chris that those stats equal 100% so we're good...he's not sure that's exactly how stats work ;-) 

Probability of twins: approx 30%. My personal probability might be a little higher since my uterus doesn't seem to have any problems with implantation or carrying a baby. To be honest, after all this, I think we are hoping for twins so we never have to go through anything like this again!

Chris and I have applied for a grant to get up to $10,000 towards IVF but have not yet heard if we won it. We should be hearing any day!

In-Vitro: what does it all mean? Post 3

While some people are familiar with in-vitro, others aren't. For those who don't know much, here is a basic list of events, as I understand them!!!!

Days 1-22: shutdown. Doctors use medication, in my case birth control, to effectively shut down my ovaries. Some women require a drug called Lupron during this time, but I should be fine with just birth control. Chris and I are also both on a 10 day antibiotic to make sure there are no bacteria in our reproductive tract.

Day 22/23: scan. My doctor will conduct an internal ultrasound to check my ovaries. If they appear to be "quiet" we will begin fertility meds.

Day 23-26 ish: injections. The first 4 days of injections are already planned out for me. My doctor recommended getting many of my drugs from Europe because they are so much cheaper. Thanks to a reliable website: ivfmeds.com, we were able to save some dough! I will be on a concoction of medicines that I will mix and then inject myself. These medications will produce "superovulation". We hope to get 5-15 eggs.

Day 26ish: scan. After another scan, the doctor will determine the rest of my injection schedule. How much for how long etc.

Day 33ish: scan. Injections usually last a total of 10 days. At the end of my injection cycle the doctor will scan again and determine when to inject the medicine that actually makes me ovulate. This must be timed precisely right--like only a 5 minute window on either side.

Day 35ish: retrieval. Before leaving home, I will take a valium on retrieval morning. When I get to the office, I will be give more pain meds constituting moderate sedation. I will not need a breathing tube. The doctor will use a camera and a needle to enter my abdomen and basically suck the eggs out of my ovaries. Chris will make a "deposit" and his sperm will literally be injected into each egg in a process called ICSI. Hopefully 7-8 embryos fertilize.

Day 35-37 ish: watch and wait. Doctors will watch our embryos grow. Some will probably stop dividing naturally. After a few days, a decision will be made about a final date for embryo transfer. The number of embryos will affect how long the doctor waits before putting the embryos back in.

Day 38ish: egg transfer. When the doctor has determined that the embryos should be transferred, he will select 2 embryos and put them back in my uterus in a pain-free procedure similar to IUI. There will be some meds to take but the main process is over.

The embryos that were not transferred will be frozen. They can be unfrozen at any point in the future to use in other pregnancy attempts.

Now we wait! 2 weeks after egg transfer I will be able to take a blood test to determine pregnancy. 4 weeks later, an ultrasound will confirm the number of babies growing!

Background--Post 2

To get this ball rolling, I have decided to just give some background as to our situation and where things currently stand.

June 11, 2010 was the most amazing day of my life. I married my best friend, the love of my life, and spent a day full of friends and family. Chris and I had talked about starting a family since we began dating, and both of us were so excited to have kids. I have always wanted to be a mom, for as long as I can remember. Since I started dating him, Chris would talk about his future kids and all the fun things we couldn't wait to do with them.

It was in this joyful time that we decided to go ahead and starting trying right away to get pregnant. Some of my friends had some difficulty getting pregnant, so we knew the process might take awhile. I figured that you were never really ready for kids, so why wait!

Much to my surprise, after many years on birth control my cycle started normally on its own. I was relieved--at least my body seemed to be doing what it was supposed to! I began using ovulation tests and discovered that I ovulated later in my cycle than is normal. However, most doctors will not consider any infertility consultations until a couple has been trying 6 months.

So for 6 months, we tried, we tested, and we were disappointed. Seeing one pink line on a test got pretty boring after awhile. During this time, I went through lots of phases. In the beginning I would cry every  month. I would drive myself crazy by taking TONS of tests--like 3 in one day sometimes. I know that sounds crazy. It is crazy. But if you've tried to get pregnant, you might understand. Every change in my mood, body, feelings, everything was analyzed as a possible pregnancy symptom. By month 4 this began to wear off. I started to take things more in stride. There were no more tears when I found out family and friends were pregnant. No more tears when I saw one pink line.

Eventually I was just praying for month 6 so I could see the doctor. Month 6 came and Chris and I both went to my OBGYN. She tested my blood and found my progesterone level to be a little low. YES! Something! Finally we had something that we could hang out to! She prescribed me Clomid. I was certain this was the boost my body needed. We were finally going to get pregnant!

Only, we didn't. We did another month of Clomid and nothing. In the meantime, I talked to my doctor about getting Chris' sperm tested. Although it wasn't normal protocol to do it this early, she agreed. Chris went for his test, and we waited for the results.

I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, "Please God, let his results be perfect. Let it be me." I knew that bad results on his test would make Chris feel terrible. I did not want him to feel any pain. I wanted it to be me so badly. But it wasn't. It isn't. We got the results and discovered that Chris has low sperm count, poor morphology and poor motility. Basically, there are a few little guys that don't look very normal who swim in circles.

The news was pretty devastating for us especially because we didn't know exactly what it meant. My OBGYN recommended seeing a doctor who specialized in male infertility as well as a reproductive endocrinologist. I knew an RE doctor--friends had recommended him. There is only one doctor who specializes in male infertility here so we scheduled an appointment with both doctors.

LOOOOOONG story short: Despite multiple tests and treatments, Chris' sperm shows no improvement. We decided to do 2 rounds of IUI--intrauterine insemination. These are low cost, no pain procedures. Although it takes the average couple 3 rounds of IUI to get pregnant, we have decided to move on to in-vitro. See the next post for more info!

Purpose--Post 1

Hello friends and family,

To start, I want to explain the purpose behind this blog. As many of you know, over the past year Chris and I have been trying to have a baby. This dream has not become a reality for us yet and we are beginning the in-vitro process now. We want everyone to be informed about the process in the most efficient way possible for us! We have decided to share this blog with you so you can have a glimpse into our journey and stay up to date on what's happening.

We could not have made it this far without our friends and family. We cannot thank you enough for your love and support during this difficult time. I think some question our openness with everyone about what we're going through. For us, sharing our journey with others helps us cope and reminds us of all the support we have.

Since I'm on summer break, I should be able to update often so check back to keep up with the latest! Love you all,

Maggie