Round 4

Happy Friday everyone! On Tuesday we found out that our third attempt was unsuccessful. I honestly didn't even cry this time. I think that pregnancy seems so impossible to me that I honestly don't even expect it to work anymore. I know that might sound like a terrible thing to say, and obviously we haven't completely given up hope because we are trying one last time. It's just that it's easier when you don't let your heart believe that it can really work.

My doctor says it takes 3-4 times, so we are trying one more time. However, we do have an appointment to talk to him next week about what to do if the 4th time is unsuccessful as well. We think he will still leave IVF on the table as an option and then there is also adoption. We really aren't sure what direction we will go in. Both are expensive and uncertain and scary. We are trying to gather as much information about all our options right now so that we can make the best decision possible for our family.

Thank you to all of you who have supported us and reached out. I posted on FB, but will reiterate that we are looking for any info on adoption that you might offer. I talked to a friend today and learned so much just from a 20 minute conversation!

Please keep my whole family in your prayers - it's amazing how infertility touches everyone. Our parents are sad that they haven't had the chance for grandchildren yet - and are obviously sad that we are hurting. My brother won't get the chance to be an uncle - at the end of the day, we have to just keep telling ourselves that we will have a child someday, although the journey to that child might be uncertain right now.

We will keep you updated.

HSG

Sorry I haven't updated since the test on Friday. We had our HSG test - they put dye in my fallopian tubes, took an xray and checked for any blockages. Fortunately, everything was normal! No blockages, and my doctor said sometimes just flushing the tubes with the dye can help, even if there are no blocks. Saturday morning we had an ultrasound and there were lots of good, big eggs. Everything looked good so we had our insemination this afternoon! Dr. A did it and was very funny usual. I told him I wished I had taken a pic of the HSG x-ray because it was very cool and he said, "yes, you have a fascinating uterus." Hilarious. Anyway, we will know 2 weeks from today if the third time really is a charm. Keep the prayers coming! I'm headed to Dallas next week and Chris to San Diego so that should take our  mind off things for awhile :) We will update in 2 weeks!

Round 3

Hello all, sorry I wasn't able to update until today. So we found out last Tuesday that Round 2 was unsuccessful. Tuesday was a tough day for us. It costs us $1000 for each round, so not only were we hoping that our emotional journey would be over, but our financial one too. It's difficult to plan for the future when we have no idea how long this will take.

At my last appointment, Dr. Awadalla mentioned a procedure to see if my Fallopian tubes are blocked. He said he would wait until we had tried our current process 3 times before doing the test. Some people have asked why the test wasn't done sooner. You can't test all people for all things. There is no reason to believe that my tubes are blocked, which is why I haven't had the test. Even if my tubes are blocked, that in no way would have affected our IVF cycle. The test is called a Hysterosalpingogram or HSG. During the procedure, a dye will be injected into my ovaries and then an x-ray will be taken to see if the dye is able to flow through the tubes correctly. We will have the results of the test immediately. The next day I am scheduled for my normal ultrasound to check on my eggs.

I'm not sure what will happen if my tubes are blocked, it depends on many factors, so I can't really say for sure what the next step would be, we will have to wait until Friday.

Chris and I have been talking about adoption a lot lately. We both really feel its not for us. I think adopting a child is an amazing thing for a couple to do, but we just don't feel its right for us. I was talking to one of my good friends about it and she said, "you know this doesn't like something you want to do, you haven't said anything positive about in 20 minutes!" Obviously, our feelings may change about this in the future, but for now, we are committed to finding ways for me to carry our child.

I'll update again on Friday after the procedure. It's a simple thing - I can drive myself there and home, no big deal. Thanks for the prayers -