GiveForward

Since our negative blood results, Chris and I have been researching funding options for a final round of IVF.

Before our frozen round, we both felt that we could live happy lives even if we never have a baby. While I still know this to be true, I am not ready to give up. I want to feel the way I felt for the week when we were pregnant. I want that feeling again so badly, and I am not ready to say goodbye to it forever. 

That said, we cannot afford to try invitro one more time. Although our doctor has given us a $1000 grant, we are still far away from the $10,000 needed. 

So I have researched grants, scholarships, clinical trials etc. And while we have applied for a few grants, I also found a website called GiveForward. This site allows you to create a fundraising page and gives others the opportunity to donate. I have really checked it out and it is legit. You can donate using a credit or debit card and it can be anonymous. Although it feels weird, we have decided to create a page for people to use. 

We in no way want people to feel obligated, we just want to open the doors for those who might be interested. 

More than money, please keep prayers coming. We need them now more than ever. Love you all. 

Click here for our fundraising page

Next Steps

I thought I'd fill everyone in on what has happened since Tuesday.

Chris and I, as well as many of you, are still kind of stunned I think. We are trying to process what has happened, but it's difficult. I did go to the doctor for a repeat blood test and my levels are dropping significantly, which is good because it means I won't need a DNC or anything like that.

I had a long talk with my doctor and he said although it might seem like a bad thing that I lost the pregnancy, scientifically, it is a very good sign that I was pregnant at all. He said that is very positive for future attempts. One thing I thought was interesting was that he said when you use medical intervention to go from infertile to fertile, you experience the entire range of fertility, which includes women losing pregnancies very early on. That happens to many fertile women. He said there is always a possibility, however small, that we can get pregnant on our own so we won't stop trying naturally. He said we can try insemination a few more times if we want, but with Chris' numbers, it is difficult for him to say if it increases our chances 10% or 2% or anywhere inbetween. He did say that he thinks IVF is the right road for us, and he understands the financial burden of that commitment. He said he often feels guilty that he can't help out his patients more, but he did give us a $1,000 grant that is good for one year.

In light of all this news, Chris and I are trying to come up with a plan. I am someone who needs to know where we are heading. So we have decided to do some research on funding options for the next few months, but we are committed to finding a way to do one more cycle of IVF within the next year. We are not ready to give up on the process or on having a biological child.

I will continue to update the blog periodically as we move forward down whatever path we take. I cannot thank everyone enough for their kind words, prayers and support. While it has been difficult to tell people that we lost the pregnancy, we honestly can't imagine going through this without all of you. Thank you.

Unexpected News

Hello all,

So today I went for a repeat blood test to make sure my levels were rising as they should, and unfortunately, they weren't. In fact, my hormone levels went from 89 to 52 which basically means I have lost the pregnancy. The dr said basically the egg started to implant, which gave the positive result, but for whatever reason, ended up not fully implanting, giving the now negative result.

They will continue to monitor my levels until they are at 0. I have another test Friday. I have lots of questions for the doctor, like should we try insemination a few more times since it is a relatively low cost procedure? If we were somehow able to get the money together again for IVF does he think it would work? Would he do anything differently? Does he now think there is something wrong with me?

I cannot describe exactly how Chris and I are feeling. To be honest, I've had some pretty negative thoughts. I'm honestly not sure how to go on. Before we were pregnant, Chris and I felt like we were okay if it didn't happen and we would make it. But to have it given to us, and then taken away is almost more than I can bear.

Almost. Tomorrow I know I will wake up and somehow make it school, Chris will make it to work. We will go on. What the future holds, I'm not sure. My aunt Mary Kay read a quote to me tonight that I'm trying to hold onto "Live without regret. When something good happens, it's wonderful. When something bad happens, its experience." Chris and I can't see the big picture right now. We can't see how this horrible situation fits in with any good path, but maybe it will. I hope that someday we can look back at this and say, "Oh, so that's why it happened like that!"

Thank you for all your love and support. We are not sure what the next step on our journey is, but if this process has taught us anything it is that we love each other unconditionally and we have the best family and friends in the world. Thanks for being there.