Round 4

Happy Friday everyone! On Tuesday we found out that our third attempt was unsuccessful. I honestly didn't even cry this time. I think that pregnancy seems so impossible to me that I honestly don't even expect it to work anymore. I know that might sound like a terrible thing to say, and obviously we haven't completely given up hope because we are trying one last time. It's just that it's easier when you don't let your heart believe that it can really work.

My doctor says it takes 3-4 times, so we are trying one more time. However, we do have an appointment to talk to him next week about what to do if the 4th time is unsuccessful as well. We think he will still leave IVF on the table as an option and then there is also adoption. We really aren't sure what direction we will go in. Both are expensive and uncertain and scary. We are trying to gather as much information about all our options right now so that we can make the best decision possible for our family.

Thank you to all of you who have supported us and reached out. I posted on FB, but will reiterate that we are looking for any info on adoption that you might offer. I talked to a friend today and learned so much just from a 20 minute conversation!

Please keep my whole family in your prayers - it's amazing how infertility touches everyone. Our parents are sad that they haven't had the chance for grandchildren yet - and are obviously sad that we are hurting. My brother won't get the chance to be an uncle - at the end of the day, we have to just keep telling ourselves that we will have a child someday, although the journey to that child might be uncertain right now.

We will keep you updated.

HSG

Sorry I haven't updated since the test on Friday. We had our HSG test - they put dye in my fallopian tubes, took an xray and checked for any blockages. Fortunately, everything was normal! No blockages, and my doctor said sometimes just flushing the tubes with the dye can help, even if there are no blocks. Saturday morning we had an ultrasound and there were lots of good, big eggs. Everything looked good so we had our insemination this afternoon! Dr. A did it and was very funny usual. I told him I wished I had taken a pic of the HSG x-ray because it was very cool and he said, "yes, you have a fascinating uterus." Hilarious. Anyway, we will know 2 weeks from today if the third time really is a charm. Keep the prayers coming! I'm headed to Dallas next week and Chris to San Diego so that should take our  mind off things for awhile :) We will update in 2 weeks!

Round 3

Hello all, sorry I wasn't able to update until today. So we found out last Tuesday that Round 2 was unsuccessful. Tuesday was a tough day for us. It costs us $1000 for each round, so not only were we hoping that our emotional journey would be over, but our financial one too. It's difficult to plan for the future when we have no idea how long this will take.

At my last appointment, Dr. Awadalla mentioned a procedure to see if my Fallopian tubes are blocked. He said he would wait until we had tried our current process 3 times before doing the test. Some people have asked why the test wasn't done sooner. You can't test all people for all things. There is no reason to believe that my tubes are blocked, which is why I haven't had the test. Even if my tubes are blocked, that in no way would have affected our IVF cycle. The test is called a Hysterosalpingogram or HSG. During the procedure, a dye will be injected into my ovaries and then an x-ray will be taken to see if the dye is able to flow through the tubes correctly. We will have the results of the test immediately. The next day I am scheduled for my normal ultrasound to check on my eggs.

I'm not sure what will happen if my tubes are blocked, it depends on many factors, so I can't really say for sure what the next step would be, we will have to wait until Friday.

Chris and I have been talking about adoption a lot lately. We both really feel its not for us. I think adopting a child is an amazing thing for a couple to do, but we just don't feel its right for us. I was talking to one of my good friends about it and she said, "you know this doesn't like something you want to do, you haven't said anything positive about in 20 minutes!" Obviously, our feelings may change about this in the future, but for now, we are committed to finding ways for me to carry our child.

I'll update again on Friday after the procedure. It's a simple thing - I can drive myself there and home, no big deal. Thanks for the prayers -

Round 2, here we go!

I'm sitting here watching Giuliana & Bill (a show on E!)... if you don't know, they are a celebrity couple who has experienced fertility issues as well and are now pregnant using a surrogate after many unsuccessful IVF attempts and one successful attempt that ended in miscarriage. Watching their story is really emotional for me because I can totally relate to what they are feeling. Giuliana said (before the surrogate pregnancy), "Why are we being punished?" Sometimes it really does feel like that. The rational part of my brain knows that this isn't true, but there is still a part of you that feels you've done something wrong to deserve this.

In good news, I had an ultrasound yesterday and am scheduled for insemination tomorrow (Wednesday). Our doctor said my eggs and lining look great and he wouldn't change my medication at all. He reminded me that it really does take up to 3 times so I shouldn't be worried yet.

Not sure if I have mentioned this in a previous post, but I have a little superstition regarding our doctors. There are 3 doctors in our practice and I have now had all 3 for at least one procedure. When Dr. Awadalla did our procedure, it was the one time it worked, so I really wanted him to inseminate this time. Luckily the schedules worked out so he will be there tomorrow to actually do the procedure! Yay! I know its stupid but when you are in such an uncontrollable situation, you will look for anything to control :)

So we should know something in about 2 weeks. We will keep you posted!

Take 2

So our first attempt has been unsuccessful.

We are very disappointed and extremely sad. I'm not really sure what else to say at this point. I'm so tired of counting days, of alternating between hope and hopelessness. I'm just really tired of it all. But, on to round 2 we go. Should know again by the end of June. Thanks for everyone who is keeping us in your prayers.

The Waiting Game

Good morning! Just thought I would quickly post to let everyone know that insemination went smoothly last week. We thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers! We had a different doctor this time than we've ever had, Dr. Burwinkel. I told him he better be our lucky charm! It was a pretty emotional experience... just thinking about all the what ifs and praying so hard that it works. So now the waiting game is on. Burwinkel said we could take a home test as early as next Thursday. Once I have positive at home test, they will bring me in for a blood test. So that's really all that's going on now, we will absolutely let everyone know what's going on once we have had the blood test and gotten our numbers back!! Thanks for all your support -

It's about Time!

Hello everyone! I'm sorry it's been awhile since we've updated, but not much as really been going on...


I had a doctor's appointment today, however, and we have at least one good egg ready for insemination this weekend! I was on Clomid this month which helps ensure good, strong eggs. We are very excited but also super nervous. Our donor sperm arrived at the doctor's office today so we are truly ready to go.


Lots of you have asked us questions about choosing a donor, so here's the story in a nutshell. We used the sperm bank recommended by our fertility doctor. It's actually located in Virginia, it's not local. The bank is very reputable, only 1% of all applicants are actually accepted as donors. You can search donors online and look at tons of different physical and psychological qualities. Our first priority was blond hair and blue eyes, for obvious reasons. Beyond that, we also read the essay questions that each donor is asked. I have listed them below, with our donor's answers.


What is your most memorable childhood experience?
My most memorable childhood experience was playing baseball. I remember being part of a baseball team from the time I could swing a bat and up through elementary school. I was able to meet many friends, learn about sports, fitness, and team work, and also become part of a loving organization. It was a way for me to bond with all my friends and family members.


What immediate family member do you closely identify with and why?I closely identify with my father the most. He was always interested in sports, education, and everyone's overall well-being. We always seem to be on the same page and have similar thought processes. Having a good father figure while growing up has allowed me to remain close and identify with my father the most.
What character traits do you admire in an individual?I admire love in an individual the most. A person with love seems to be more relaxed, calm, and accepting. A person who loves their own life and the lives of others is a person I like to be around. The presence of love alone is satisfying and relieves stress and fear. I believe that with love come patience, serenity, peace, and pure happiness. I think that love is the root of many virtuous traits.

What is the funniest thing ever to happen to you? (this was an important question to us!)
One of the funniest things to happen to me would be when I was in a police station for a few hours. I was trying to sell my car and a foreign buyer sent me a check. It looked counterfeit so I took it to the bank to have them take a look at it. The bank teller thought I was the one who made the check and thought I was trying to cash it. She called the police and I spent a good time in the police station trying to make them understand that I was not part of the scam. After a while, they figured it out and let me go. Looking back now, it was a pretty funny incident!
If time and money were not an issue, where would you travel and why?
If I had the time and means to travel anywhere, I would like to go to all sorts of places. I would love to go to Scotland and Ireland to see the land and meet the people. I would go to England and visit museums and old artifacts. I would love to see Germany and see where so much recent history has taken place. France and Spain would be great to visit. I would also like to to visit Japan, China, and other Asian cultures to taste the food and find out why other people say it is so beautiful. It would be hard for me to pick only one place; I would like to see everything.
When and if you ever have children, what would you like to pass on to them?
If I ever have children of my own, the most important thing I want to pass on to them is the meaning and value of family. Having a solid and caring family creates a meaning for life. With a meaning for life, a person can be happy regardless of whatever else is happening. So the one thing I would pick most of all to pass down to my children and for them to pass down to theirs is the value of family. 
We were also able to view our donor's medical history and the history of siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Ours has a clean bill of health, of course :) 

We also had the option of buying pictures, but we aren't really interested in that. This is Chris' baby and we don't really care what the guy looks like. 


Many of you have asked us questions about the process, and we are happy to continue to answer them. Everyone has been so supportive, and we truly couldn't have done this without everyone's love. 




So now the scary part really begins. Another 2 week countdown. I am very scared it won't work this time. I know that it's very likely it won't - it usually takes 1-3 times. But I know deep down my heart is hoping that we will be pregnant this time. I think I will definitely need to grieve if that doesn't happen, but we will pick ourselves up and get ready for next time!